Keeping the romance alive

Once you have been dating or living with someone for a while, their habits will irk you (and your character traits might seem less endearing too).  How do you prevent arguments and keep a happy balance?  Having your own interests and space to do them helps.  I grew up without siblings and always had the house to myself.  I would happily create villages on the floor from paper, cardboard and fabric.  I loved being with other kids, but cherished time alone with my imagination.

My hubby grew up with three siblings and felt that he never had much time alone.  He relishes time in the shed or lying on the couch reading newspapers for hours.  He doesn't like hearing the washing machine going or me filling the room with an ironing board and steam.  This is rather difficult considering we live in a small two bedroom flat (but are hoping to buy a house soon).

Holidays are the most difficult time.  You would think it would be fun - away from work and all that time to relax.  Quite the contrary.  The nice thing about work is that you are away with other people for eight to ten hours a day.  It wears you out, so after you have made dinner, there is only enough energy for a bit of tv.  I enjoy a couple of hours of tv at night.  Unfortunately my hubby has a lot more staying power and could stay up tip 1am happily watching show after show.

How do you make the relationship strong through the tough moments?

• Cook new recipes (keep food exciting).
• Go on work trips (he seems to miss me).
• Exercise by yourself (sometimes my chatter on a walk irks him).
• See your friends independently (time to nut out other matters and alone time for the other person).
• Use humour (the cranky person can't say in a bad mood too long if you can make them laugh).
• Remember your parents (good or bad, they set an example of how to behave or not to behave as a couple - learn from this and don't repeat the same mistakes).
• Remind yourself of the early days of your relationship and why you love each other.
• Take the good with the bad (it's not going to be great all the time).

Movies - what men want

A bloke will go to a chick flick and might even enjoy them, but if you really want to please a fella, select something you might both like….

• Thor - perfect mix of action, romance, sic-fi and Norse gods!
• The Matrix - for anyone who uses a computer!!
• Anything by Alfred Hitchcock - romance and thrills
• To Catch A Thief
• North By Northwest
• The 39 Steps
• Notorious
• Un Homme et Une Femme - French and funny with car racing
• Garden State - Natalie Portman
• The Way Way Back - Steve Carrell and Toni Colette
• Indian Jones & the Last Crusade
• The Muppets
• Bogart & Bacall - To Have & to Have Not
• Two for the Road - Audrey Hepburn
• How to Steal a Million - Peter O'Toole
• The English Patient - Kristen Scott Thomas
• Love and other Catastrophes

Make a nice dinner and spend some quality couch time together with a port and chocolates!

The mix tape

Music helps the mood.  Why not make a mix tape (CD or USB) of your favourite tunes.  Select a large variety of music to balance the impression about you.  Include party songs and quiet day songs.  My best mix was made up of the following songs (and they were well received):

• Kings of Convenience - Cayman Islands
• Augie March - One Crowded Hour
• The Reels - This Guy's In Love
• Nina Simone - Just in time
• Louis Armstrong - All that meat and no potatoes
• Flight of the Conchords - Most Beautiful Girl in the Room
• Empire of the Sun - Walking on a dream
• Paul Young - Every time you go away
• Dean Martin - Corners of my mind
• Frank Sinatra - Strangers in the night
• Sting - Send Your Love
• Seal - Amazing
• Cider Sky - Northern Lights
• Rod Stewart - Have I told you lately

It's a numbers game

Some people are incredibly lucky and meet the perfect person on the first day of school.  Other people have to wait a long time to find anyone they can tolerate!  You are never to old to find a person to share your life with and if you are lucky you will meet several people you would be happy making a future with.  I have found that I have loved some people too much and broken the hearts of people who could have been good for me.  It was timing, alternative opportunities and maturity.  

The wisdom of my 36 years has taught me to seize chances and let people go in equal measure.  I have shed tears of joy and despair.  It has felt like all was lost and everything was beginning.  Relationships have been great and terrible, but I still believe it all happens for a reason.  The reason may not be evident for years, but eventually you will see that your time has not been wasted and you are a stronger person for the sum of your experiences.

How many people should you date?

• I found RSVP to be quite an intense process (kisses, emails, phone calls and dates), so I tended to try to just see one person at a time.
• However I liked to have an option if the date didn't work out to have someone else to read about (helped me feel less discouraged).
• I preferred to let males send me kisses (I didn't have much luck with the kisses I sent).
• On a Saturday or Sunday I would have a coffee with someone who had initiated contact.
• We had usually had a call first (a voice can tell you a lot about a character).
• I usually paid for my own coffee, but didn't make a big deal if they offered to pay (traditional males often like to pay and coffee is relatively cheap).

The best thing about going on dates was that it made me feel young again.  I started to worry that I would never meet anyone new in my 30s.  RSVP made me realise there are heaps of nice blokes out there who genuinely want to meet someone.  In a city of 4 million, it is easy to move in the same circles and never meet anyone new apart from at work (and it is awkward to start relationships there).  It was so exciting to meet someone who loved living in the city I lived in.

It's amazing to find so many great people in the same place and when they like the same cafe or area, you think to yourself, why haven't we met before!

Where to find a partner

I have never really liked going to loud bars and catching the eye of a stranger.  Instead I like context and hearing what they have to say.  In the olden days people used to advertise for a wife or husband.  These days we have the internet.  I was skeptical at first, but then really enjoyed my time on RSVP.  You have to be in the mood for it and be prepared for crazies, keen-as-mustard, rejection and an interesting journey.

What makes a good profile?

• 5 good photos of you doing things you enjoy (eg. at your favourite restaurant, doing sport, cooking, at a party, dressed up in an evening gown and also in casual everyday clothes)
• A good name that catches people's eye and make them want to know more (eg. CheerfulChick, HappyHarriet, a character from your favourite film, a mood or tone you would like to project, WhistlingWill, JollyJimbo)
• A fun, happy opening line or description that make people think "I want to read more"
• Information about what you like to do (eg. bake cakes, read books under a tree, listen to music at outdoor concerts, organise parties, drive up country roads, eat Indian cuisine)
• 3 or 4 paragraphs are good (interested types will read it) to give them an insight into what makes you tick and what they could expect from hanging around with you (e.g. I love to get up early and go for a walk or I read novels into the wee hours of the morning)...

How to sift through the good ones from the bad?

• Some people are obviously wrong for you (for example, if you are not sporty, a triathlete is probably not for you)
• Others will appeal, but not live up to their profile
• A couple will exceed your expectations (give people a chance)
• Some people are creepy (have pet snakes, don't wash their hair, eat only spagetti)
• There may be too little information on their profile (encourage them to write more)
• They may like something you hate, but if it is a song or a band, it is probably not a deal breaker… If they smoke, that might be.

Organising the first date:

• Pick a public place (eg. a cafe in a busy part of town)
• Meet for coffee (tea or a drink), so you can get away after an hour if it doesn't work out
• Always give them time (ie. they may be nervous, give them time to open up)
• Tell a friend or relative where you are going and give them the profile if possible (just in case)
• If you like each other continue on longer than the hour
• Let them know you would catch up again (or be reluctant if they are not right for you and you need time to think it over)
• Don't rule our friendship (if there is no spark)
• Be open and interested in them (don't talk about yourself for the whole hour)
• Dress nicely, but don't overdo it (sparkly evening wear will freak someone out at an afternoon coffee)
• Have fun and enjoy that the world is a place full of interesting people.

Aim high - true love and romance

After years of being single, I love coming home to someone and going to sleep at night knowing there is someone in my life.  He has his quirks and so do I, but somehow life seems better.  When things go wrong at work, I still have him.  When something good happens, he is there to celebrate.  On the whole I feel I am not walking through life alone.

It took me many attempts and lots of failure, but I worked out (slowly) what other people want.  That's the key - to please yourself, you need to consider others.  He spent most of his life becoming the man he is today.  I grew up in a different household with another set of circumstances.  We agree on lots of things, but we also realise we are both very independent.  The fact that we have our own experiences makes us more interesting to each other.

Here are some of the tips for finding true love and romance:

• Be patient (good things come to those who wait).
• See opportunities and take chances (be open to life's twists and turns).
• Try lots of different things and meet as many people as you can.
• Put on your happy face and be excited about other people.
• Embrace what is unusual (opposites attract) and try to see why someone is the way they are.
• Have fun and see everyday as an opportunity to find love, happiness and romance (in the city, country or wherever you may be).
• Stay positive and don't let others discourage you.
• Know that there is someone out there for you… it is just a matter of finding them.